oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
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