Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
