where am i from again
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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