So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
