Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
