high people should be assigned attendants
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Last time i carry you out of a forest
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
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