I just made out with a guy for $7.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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