I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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