And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
