Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
