genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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