i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
