Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
