The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
