I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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