I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Shame - the story of my life.
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