just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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