My balls are so social today.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
