Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
