I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
