Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
