the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
he wants to bone in the snuggie
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
