I wish i was in the wii world.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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