I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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