I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
