Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
