K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
