He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
