my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
