You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
