I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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