i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Randomize
