He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
