"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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