3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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