I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Randomize
