So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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