I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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