Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
