lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Please don't give away my fajitas
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
