Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
