Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
