she looked like the before picture.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
YAS. BRING CRAB.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
