Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
