Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
