so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
