I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
