I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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