So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
