you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
